Fade To Black: a 2-Part Work

<[The Prose (Part 1)]>

Crazy how life does you...

You think you've finally brought it together... That your planets have finally aligned, and you've got everything right with your world... Then life snatches the rug right from under your feet, causing you to fall flat on your a--... I mean... Face. As you lay there attempting to figure out how you got to this place, you begin to notice them... All the pieces of you scattered about. There's big ones, small ones, some as big as your head... Wait, IS that your head? You can't tell, all the pieces, once so recognizable when a part of a whole, are now indistinguished. You try to get up, but you find that the weight of the world is on your back--- Yes, your BACK, not your shoulders. You struggle to right yourself, but the effort is too much for you. As you realize that you're not a worthy contender in the match of LIFE, you give up and drift into blackness...

... or do you???

<[The Poem (Part 2)]>

Broken into a million scattered pieces
My heart...
---It would hurt... if there was any of it left to feel pain
But there isn't...
---You've ripped it out of my chest
------Thrown it to the ground, stomped on it
Ground it into dust...
---Ashes to ashes, right?
My heart has died, reverted to its dust form
Will you be at the funeral?
...No you don't care enough to attend, do you?
---...didn't think so...
But WAIT, was that just a beat I heard?
---...nah just wishful thinking
There's no hope for it...
---Why?
------...Cuz the last time this happened, I made SURE to get a DNR order
The pain's too great, when they resuscitate...
So...
---When you murdered my love...
A flatline on the moniter, no coming back...
---As my heart faded to black...

It WAS Your Everything...

This is a two-part poem I wrote... I started the first part, which is unfinished... then wrote the second part. The reason the first part is unfinished is because in the course of writing it, I found out some stuff that upset me, and I lost my motivation... then wrote the second part, which IS complete... enjoy!

{{Written in November of 2007}}

-| It's Your Everything |-

You asked me what it is
That makes me want you so
But my shyness hindered me
From letting you know
I didn't want to leave you hanging
So I opened up a brand new file
To try to express how I feel
And what about you drives me wild
It's the way you look at me
It's the way you smile at me when you talk
It's the way your body moves gracefully
The way your shoulders sway when you walk
It's the way you pull me in your arms
And the way you hold me tight
It's the passionate way you kiss me
That makes me feel everything's alright

{{Unfinished: Lost motivation/inspiration}}


-| But Now It's Nothing |-

Can't fool myself anymore
Gotta face the facts
You will always be my "friend"
Cuz you want your ex-girlfriend back
I tried to believe it for awhile
That I was someone special to you
But I have come to realize
That can't possibly be true
Cuz she's the one that holds your heart
She's got you in her palm
If she wanted you, you'd take her back
I don't need a dude with qualms
I need someone who's really sure
That I'm the one for him
I don't want to have to worry
That I'll get left behind on a whim
I really really like you
It might've blossomed into love
But your obsession with your ex
Caused me to rise above
And realize that I'm playing myself
As much as you're playing me
I was blinded by the hope of 'love"
But thankfully, now I can see

What Once Was Roses...

What happened to what we had? I don't understand
The last I checked, I was your lady, you were my man

What happened to us being faithful and true?
Where did this nonsense come from, out of the blue?

Why don't we connect so perfectly like we used to do?
Why does it seem, I'm always chasing after you?

What happened to honesty, loyalty, respect?
What happened that makes me feel you gonna move onto the next?

What happened to the love that nourished my soul?
I'm sitting here, laid back, watching it all unfold

I know, I KNOW, that something's not right
What happened to all the times you held me tight?

What happened to me being yours, and you mine forever?
Sometimes I wonder if our time together

Is drawing to a close, though I don't want it to happen, NEVER
But it seems like we can't seem to hold the pieces together

Why did Friday morning mark the end of the bliss?
I guess its cuz that's the day that my ignorance

Was shattered, pieces scattered, nothing left clouding my mind
And me seeing that this thing isn't all happiness and sunshine...

What happened to the future plans, we talked about achieving?
What happened to not being the type to be deceiving?

What happened to waiting... I'm sure you know what I mean
Cuz that just doesn't mesh with what I've seen...

Maybe I was wrong for looking, but I needed to know
What the strain has been lately, didn't know how to ask so...

Yeah, they say don't go looking if you don't wanna see
But I did it anyway, stupid stupid me

And what I found was enough to make my head light
Got my mind filled with questions, can't sleep well at night

Got me sitting here listening to music, weeping & crying
Got me over here feeling like my heart is slowly dying

Got me cussing and screaming, smoking and drinking
Knocking shit over, throwing things cuz I can't stop thinking

And all the while I'm wondering if you even care
Did you think about it before you took the actions that brought me here?

What happened to us? That question is my hope's blight...
"What was once roses, is now potpourri"

......... yeah, sounds about right...

Destiny???

Warm hugs, gentle kisses
Holding hands walking down the street
Love that warms me inside & out...
Smiles that brighten up my day
Laughter, intelligent conversations
Shared creativity
Sleeping, being held throughout the night
Bodies intertwined innocently
Waking up, seeing you first
A moment of deja vu
Dreams from years ago...
Destiny???

How I Feel...

A lil’ more than a best friend
Not quite my boo
I’ve been trying to work out
Just how I feel about you

You invade my dreams
Both at night and in day
I think about you constantly
In a loving-type way…

Before you get shocked
Don’t get me wrong
My feelings aren’t all-consuming
Though they are strong

Do I have love for you?
Very much so…
Am I in love with you?
I don’t think so…

To be in love with you
I’d have to fall
My heart couldn’t take that
It’s circled by a wall

I’ve been hurt before
Don’t want to hurt again
You’re right in saying
We gotta work it out as friends

A part of that, too
Is knowing you don’t feel the same
Compared to my feelings for you
Your feelings are tame…

My hope is eventually
Your feelings will mature
And we’ll be able to fly together
Like an eagle, we’ll soar

But for now I’ll play it your way
Take time to be friends
Walk this path slowly
And see where it ends…

Forgotten & Replaced...

I'm the forgotten lover
Lurking in the shadows
True feelings untold
Watching your new story unfold

You've jumped from my storybook
Into the pages of another
Pages turned, book closed
Pressing down the petals of a rose

The rose that grew from concrete
A love so fragile, so precious
Now forgotten and pushed to the side
As you look into another's eyes

And see in her
What you no longer see in me
She's the new "love of your life"
Taking my place as your future wife...

{{Unfinished}}

What Do You Want From Me?

When we met I was hesitant
Didn't know if I should try
Cuz all of my previous relationships showed
My tendency to pick the wrong guy
See, the ones I ended up wanting
Usually turned out to be whores
They can't have just one girl
They gotta have two or three or four
But as you and I talked more
I slowly stopped being scared
You seemed to be the perfect guy
Thought you might be the answer to my prayers
Until we started hanging out
Cuz now we're both here at school
And I don't know what you want from me
You have me all confused
You claim you like me the way I like you
But I'm not sure if it's really true
You're giving me mixed signals
So what am I supposed to do?
Do you want a relationship with me,
Or are you just trying to get some sex?
I can't tell which way you're going
And it really has me vexed
It really seems strange to me
That you won't kiss me on the mouth
But yet and still, you want to get in my pants,
What's that all about?
I want to give you all of me
But you only want to give me parts
You tell me that I'm playing games
But you're playing with my heart
It'd be much easier on both of us
If you made your true intentions known
Stop making it seem like you wanna be my man
When you only wanna bone!