Fade To Black: a 2-Part Work

<[The Prose (Part 1)]>

Crazy how life does you...

You think you've finally brought it together... That your planets have finally aligned, and you've got everything right with your world... Then life snatches the rug right from under your feet, causing you to fall flat on your a--... I mean... Face. As you lay there attempting to figure out how you got to this place, you begin to notice them... All the pieces of you scattered about. There's big ones, small ones, some as big as your head... Wait, IS that your head? You can't tell, all the pieces, once so recognizable when a part of a whole, are now indistinguished. You try to get up, but you find that the weight of the world is on your back--- Yes, your BACK, not your shoulders. You struggle to right yourself, but the effort is too much for you. As you realize that you're not a worthy contender in the match of LIFE, you give up and drift into blackness...

... or do you???

<[The Poem (Part 2)]>

Broken into a million scattered pieces
My heart...
---It would hurt... if there was any of it left to feel pain
But there isn't...
---You've ripped it out of my chest
------Thrown it to the ground, stomped on it
Ground it into dust...
---Ashes to ashes, right?
My heart has died, reverted to its dust form
Will you be at the funeral?
...No you don't care enough to attend, do you?
---...didn't think so...
But WAIT, was that just a beat I heard?
---...nah just wishful thinking
There's no hope for it...
---Why?
------...Cuz the last time this happened, I made SURE to get a DNR order
The pain's too great, when they resuscitate...
So...
---When you murdered my love...
A flatline on the moniter, no coming back...
---As my heart faded to black...

It WAS Your Everything...

This is a two-part poem I wrote... I started the first part, which is unfinished... then wrote the second part. The reason the first part is unfinished is because in the course of writing it, I found out some stuff that upset me, and I lost my motivation... then wrote the second part, which IS complete... enjoy!

{{Written in November of 2007}}

-| It's Your Everything |-

You asked me what it is
That makes me want you so
But my shyness hindered me
From letting you know
I didn't want to leave you hanging
So I opened up a brand new file
To try to express how I feel
And what about you drives me wild
It's the way you look at me
It's the way you smile at me when you talk
It's the way your body moves gracefully
The way your shoulders sway when you walk
It's the way you pull me in your arms
And the way you hold me tight
It's the passionate way you kiss me
That makes me feel everything's alright

{{Unfinished: Lost motivation/inspiration}}


-| But Now It's Nothing |-

Can't fool myself anymore
Gotta face the facts
You will always be my "friend"
Cuz you want your ex-girlfriend back
I tried to believe it for awhile
That I was someone special to you
But I have come to realize
That can't possibly be true
Cuz she's the one that holds your heart
She's got you in her palm
If she wanted you, you'd take her back
I don't need a dude with qualms
I need someone who's really sure
That I'm the one for him
I don't want to have to worry
That I'll get left behind on a whim
I really really like you
It might've blossomed into love
But your obsession with your ex
Caused me to rise above
And realize that I'm playing myself
As much as you're playing me
I was blinded by the hope of 'love"
But thankfully, now I can see

What Once Was Roses...

What happened to what we had? I don't understand
The last I checked, I was your lady, you were my man

What happened to us being faithful and true?
Where did this nonsense come from, out of the blue?

Why don't we connect so perfectly like we used to do?
Why does it seem, I'm always chasing after you?

What happened to honesty, loyalty, respect?
What happened that makes me feel you gonna move onto the next?

What happened to the love that nourished my soul?
I'm sitting here, laid back, watching it all unfold

I know, I KNOW, that something's not right
What happened to all the times you held me tight?

What happened to me being yours, and you mine forever?
Sometimes I wonder if our time together

Is drawing to a close, though I don't want it to happen, NEVER
But it seems like we can't seem to hold the pieces together

Why did Friday morning mark the end of the bliss?
I guess its cuz that's the day that my ignorance

Was shattered, pieces scattered, nothing left clouding my mind
And me seeing that this thing isn't all happiness and sunshine...

What happened to the future plans, we talked about achieving?
What happened to not being the type to be deceiving?

What happened to waiting... I'm sure you know what I mean
Cuz that just doesn't mesh with what I've seen...

Maybe I was wrong for looking, but I needed to know
What the strain has been lately, didn't know how to ask so...

Yeah, they say don't go looking if you don't wanna see
But I did it anyway, stupid stupid me

And what I found was enough to make my head light
Got my mind filled with questions, can't sleep well at night

Got me sitting here listening to music, weeping & crying
Got me over here feeling like my heart is slowly dying

Got me cussing and screaming, smoking and drinking
Knocking shit over, throwing things cuz I can't stop thinking

And all the while I'm wondering if you even care
Did you think about it before you took the actions that brought me here?

What happened to us? That question is my hope's blight...
"What was once roses, is now potpourri"

......... yeah, sounds about right...

Destiny???

Warm hugs, gentle kisses
Holding hands walking down the street
Love that warms me inside & out...
Smiles that brighten up my day
Laughter, intelligent conversations
Shared creativity
Sleeping, being held throughout the night
Bodies intertwined innocently
Waking up, seeing you first
A moment of deja vu
Dreams from years ago...
Destiny???

How I Feel...

A lil’ more than a best friend
Not quite my boo
I’ve been trying to work out
Just how I feel about you

You invade my dreams
Both at night and in day
I think about you constantly
In a loving-type way…

Before you get shocked
Don’t get me wrong
My feelings aren’t all-consuming
Though they are strong

Do I have love for you?
Very much so…
Am I in love with you?
I don’t think so…

To be in love with you
I’d have to fall
My heart couldn’t take that
It’s circled by a wall

I’ve been hurt before
Don’t want to hurt again
You’re right in saying
We gotta work it out as friends

A part of that, too
Is knowing you don’t feel the same
Compared to my feelings for you
Your feelings are tame…

My hope is eventually
Your feelings will mature
And we’ll be able to fly together
Like an eagle, we’ll soar

But for now I’ll play it your way
Take time to be friends
Walk this path slowly
And see where it ends…

Forgotten & Replaced...

I'm the forgotten lover
Lurking in the shadows
True feelings untold
Watching your new story unfold

You've jumped from my storybook
Into the pages of another
Pages turned, book closed
Pressing down the petals of a rose

The rose that grew from concrete
A love so fragile, so precious
Now forgotten and pushed to the side
As you look into another's eyes

And see in her
What you no longer see in me
She's the new "love of your life"
Taking my place as your future wife...

{{Unfinished}}

What Do You Want From Me?

When we met I was hesitant
Didn't know if I should try
Cuz all of my previous relationships showed
My tendency to pick the wrong guy
See, the ones I ended up wanting
Usually turned out to be whores
They can't have just one girl
They gotta have two or three or four
But as you and I talked more
I slowly stopped being scared
You seemed to be the perfect guy
Thought you might be the answer to my prayers
Until we started hanging out
Cuz now we're both here at school
And I don't know what you want from me
You have me all confused
You claim you like me the way I like you
But I'm not sure if it's really true
You're giving me mixed signals
So what am I supposed to do?
Do you want a relationship with me,
Or are you just trying to get some sex?
I can't tell which way you're going
And it really has me vexed
It really seems strange to me
That you won't kiss me on the mouth
But yet and still, you want to get in my pants,
What's that all about?
I want to give you all of me
But you only want to give me parts
You tell me that I'm playing games
But you're playing with my heart
It'd be much easier on both of us
If you made your true intentions known
Stop making it seem like you wanna be my man
When you only wanna bone!

And The Longing Begins Again

Desire...
Longing to see you
Wanting your touch
Missing you so much it hurts
Envisioning your face, your features, your sexy body...

Joy...
Feeling your lips against mine
Enjoying your hands against my body
Rubbing your back as we come together as one...

Passion...
Feeling your thrusts
With you plunging deep inside of me
Biting your shoulder as you reach my core
Touching, HITTING, my g-spot just right
Sweating, creating heat friction between us...

Climax...
Shuddering as I reach my pinaccle
Hearing your heavy breathing, "Ex-cla-ma-tion" as you reach yours
Heartbeats racing, slowing as we coast to a stop...

Rest...
Catching our breath as we lay side by side
Falling asleep on your shoulder, wrapped in your arms
Blissfully satisfied, enveloped in our love...

Departure...
Riding beside you as you drive
Stealing kisses at stoplights
Smiling the whole way home...

A kiss...
Walking inside my house
Waving goodbye to you, my love
Seeing you drive away...

...And the longing begins again...

Hide & Seek

We're sitting here with nothing to do
Nothing on TV, the movie is through
I sit on your lap and kiss your cheek
And whisper "let's play hide & seek"

{{Unfinished: Lost inspiration}}

What If?

What if I told you that I loved you?
Would you take my words to heart as true?
Or would you look at me with weary eyes
Because you've been fooled by another's lies?
Would you tell me you loved me too?
Or would I deduct that it's untrue
From a deafening silence after my admission
Because "her" actions & words have clouded your vision
And made you blind to what you can plainly see,
In turn, making you mistrustful of me
Torn by love's hurts, trying to move past it,
Instead, snapped back in by true love's elastic...
But what if I shower you with so much love that
Eventually, you'd regain your sight & see through her crap?
And what if my heart bleeds for you?
For all of your hurt, all that you've been through
The laughter, the tears, the ups & the downs,
The sorrow, the joy, the smiles turned to frowns...
What if I want to help you heal?
Bring you through the fog so you can finally FEEL
What if, together, we can erase all the bad?
What if I promise to never make you sad?
And if I vow this day to never let a rift
Come between us & this "thing" we have--- What if?

Voicemail Story

Baby it wasn't intentional
You endin up at my voicemail
Just give me a minute to explain
Let me tell you the tale

When you put me on hold to take a call
I was waitin patiently
But then there came a knock at my door
None other than my mommy

She wanted me to clean the kitchen
And get off of the phone
And I wasn't to bring it with me either
(She told me this with a tone

To make sure that I understood
That she wasn't playing with me)
And so I had to hang up the phone
Though you weren't on the line, you see

And when I came back after I was done
I saw that I had 9 missed calls
And two of them were from you, so
I said forget the rest of them all

And I tried to call you back right then and there
But you didn't pick up your cell
Then I tried again later unsuccessfully
And that's when my mood just fell

Then I started to think you were angry with me
And I started feeling quite down and sad
And I was hoping that I was wrong becuz
I didn't want my Evvie poo to be mad

So I'm sittin here waitin for a return call
Cuz I'm afraid to call you more
And if I fall asleep without hearin your voice
I think I'll know the score

So Evan if you can read my mind
Please call me A-S-A-P
Becuz I know I won't sleep very well
Thinkin you're mad at me

Sleepin Together

I'm layin here in my bed
Listenin to one of our songs
I'm feelin kinda good right now
But also kinda wrong
Cuz I'm feelin that tonight
I might end up goin to bed
Without hearin your sexy voice
In my ear or in my head
Well, there's no need to be sad
We've got plenty of time
Cuz today we made it official
And now, you're mine, all mine
But still I wanna fall asleep
With your voice as the last thing I hear
Cuz when we fall asleep together
It makes me feel you'll forever be near
And I'd love to have you as mine
Until forever and always
And later in life fall asleep beside you
From "I Do" til the end of our days
And I can see us together forever
In my mind's sight
But for now all I wanna do
Is fall asleep together on the phone tonight

Daydream

As I sit in this desk
And stare off in space
I'm thinkin of you
Envisionin your face
Wonderin what you're doin
Wishin I was there, too
Wonderin if you're sittin there
Thinkin of me, too
I miss hearin your voice
The inflection and the tone
Even though I talked to you all last night
Fallin asleep on the phone
You probaby don't know the extent
Of what I'm feelin for you
Soon enough you will, though
And maybe feel the same way too
But for now I'll make do with
Long talks on the phone and the computer screens
And although I try to concentrate
You'll be here with me in my daydreams

Fuck You

You played with my heart
And that's unforgivable
It's not a toy for you to play with
Then put back on the shelf when you're done

I put my feelings for you out there
For the world to see
Wearing my heart on my sleeve
Because I sincerely thought that you were the one

You acted one way to my face
Flirtin like you liked me
Like you were going to be my man
Then turn around and front behind my back

But I found out about it
You should've known that I would
Talkin bout me to my friend and my cuzzin
Should've know that she, at least, wouldn't cut you any slack

So now I know the truth
All the illusions were a front
You blatantly blew those away
Did it with a lot of spunk, too

So all I have left
Are visions of what could've been
And a whole lot of anger
So basically, nigga, fuck you!

So Now You Know

Today I saw you
And I just froze
Your simple presence
Curled my toes
I wanted to hug you
And squeeze you tight
Wrap your arms around me
To make everything all right
I looked into your eyes
It was then that I knew
Whatever the outcome
I had to tell you
It was kinda hard
To tell you this
But I figured that
It was worth the risk
So I came out with it
Told you how I feel
No ifs ands or buts
My feelings are real
Then you looked at me
And asked me why
I didn't just tell you...
"Well I'm kinda shy"
Then you sorta smiled
And said "okay"
And later gave me a hug
Before you went away
And I'm hoping now
A relationship will grow
My secret's out
So now you know

I Need You In My Life

Boy can't you see that
I need you in my life?
To hold my hand through turmoil,
To hug me tight through strife.
I think about you all the time,
I hold you in my heart,
I've felt this way about you
Almost from the very start.
I hold my feelings for you
Deep in my soul inside,
From the feelings for you
I can run but never hide!
I'm so weak in the knees,
I'm losing all control,
I want you to be mine, all mine,
For me to have and hold.
I'm revealing to you now
The way I really feel...
I need you in my life,
And that's the real deal!

Recollection

As I sit here, recalling today
I remember how you looked my way
You smiled at me and made me weak
As I daydreamed of a simple kiss on the cheek

If only I could make see
Just how much you mean to me
Maybe we could be together
And our love could last forever

I would hold you close and tight
And show you how I feel all through the night
But I'm too shy to tell you how I feel
So it may be a while before you know the deal

Good Lovin'

This story is the story of
The things you do to me
To make you know just what it is
And just to let you see
To show you how I feel after
You do what you do
To let you know the deal after
The good lovin' is through
I come down the street
Just anticipating your touch
The good lovin' that you give to me
Could never be too much
I think of it late at night
When the whole world is asleep
The way you put it on me
The way you plunge so deep
You're the one who holds the record
For putting it down the most
You do it to me so good
Other guys to me turn ghost
You hold a special place for me
Cuz you simply are the best
So I'ma keep comin back to you
And-- well, you know the rest

Touch

Touch me, tease me
Kiss me, please me
Keep me, feenin
For you, even
When you, are near
When you, aren't here
Keep me, buggin
Off your, lovin
Make me, crazy
Come and, save me
Thinkin, of you
Wanna love you
Do it, to me
Baby, screw me
Don't stop, take it
I won't, fake it
Keep me, moanin
Mind ain't, roamin
Blow my, back out
Til I, black out
Hurt me, so good
Rough sex, so hood
Push in, pull out
Sex me, full out
Ass up, face down
Slow the, pace down
Make me, scream out
Leakin, cream out
Bodies, sweaty
Breathin, heavy
Want you, so much
Tempted, to touch

Wet Dream

Wrap your arms around me
Pull me close and tight
Lay me down and love me
All through the night
Fill me with your loving
Make me moan and scream
Baby me and you together
Make a perfect team
Go a little deeper
Make me tremble hard
If you push my button
You'll get a great reward
Travel a little lower
So you can taste my cream
It's such a disappointment that
This is only a dream